She must learn to shut up

She's my mom and I love her but I wish she would learn the skill of shutting her gab.

Therefore, I must remind myself that I would need to learn to shut my mouth as necessary too. I don't want to know not be aware as I age. Which means I don't want to end up like my mom specifically the not so desiring habits.

My mom brought me up in a scolding manner. She is a stern person and she brought me up with kinda a hard stern anger. Almost like she hated me, and hated everything that I did as it would never be right in her eyes. Now that I am older and wiser, I guess I understand that it is her love that has hardened her. The way she shows love is by scolding.

Difficult to face sometimes but I just have to constantly remind myself that no matter what she is my mom. However, due to her hardness and years of scolding, I have also become like her. I have become like her to face her. Do you understand? I treat her exactly like how she treated me. I would scold her for everything that she does wrong. It is unfortunate but it is reality almost like a retribution for me and for her.

I have tell myself that I must stop but everytime she opens up her mouth to scold me, I put back my armour and will scold her back. It has become my automatic shield.

Today...I wanted to cook lunch for my dad. My mom as always would say please do not cook for her, she is full and blah blah blah, blah, blah (don't mess up my kitchen, please do this, do that, clean this, hang here....) errrrr buzzing and buzzing with instructions and complaints!!

The mistake I made was that the egg I was going to use, dropped to the chair. It cracked, I quickly picked it up and cleaned the chair. But of course, she erupted!! "This , That, careless, why did not use bowl, why do this, why do that etc scold scold scold scold." It was so irritating. She makes people around her so agitated by her constant scolding.

I gave up. I shouted back "leave me alone, I am not going to cook, shut up!" I left to go up to my room.

The consequence...my dad would have no lunch. It's ok, there are other stuff to eat at home.

As for my mom, she came to my room later with a piece of papaya and asked me to eat, I guess it is her way of a truce.