My girlfriend told me about a male colleague of hers who recently got married but yet don't want others to know. He is pretty successful, 30 something, a little full of himself - the type who thinks that he is eligible and a hot property to women. He was probably a bit of a player and dated around when he was single.
He has been dating his girlfriend for more than 1 year now and they recently got married. Even when he was dating her, he did not talk much about his girlfriend. But now that he is married, apparently he does not want people to know. It is like a big secret.
So what is it about a man who want to keep his marital status a secret? Is he still hoping that another girl comes along and he wants to keep his options open?
Is she pregnant? Well, nope she is not, so that is not the reason for secrecy.
So I don't really understand men who wants to keep the marital status a secret. Many of them also do it discreetly by not wearing their wedding band! If they are so faithful to their wives, why would they not give all the indications that they are married to others?
Can you stand it if your man decides to keep your relationship a secret? In what circumstances would you allow it? What reasons would he say to convince you?
For me....I would not marry the man if the relationship would be a secret whether for a while or whatever. It just sounds too fishy.
Who would want to be a wife in the dark? Or a girlfriend in the dark? Don't kid yourself to say that you are with him for whatever best reasons he may have. Don't start in a secretive relationship. It will just eat you up!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Why are people so inconsiderate?
May 2009
My hubby and I decided to treat ourself to getaway in a beautiful luxurious hotel.
It was a beautiful hotel, newly furnished and the room we had was fit for the Queen and King.
Just as we entered our room, just outside there was a huge spread of food. It came as part of our room package. For both of us only.
Auds and her friends were there too...they were waiting for their food at another table. When they saw our spread of food, they came over and started eating.
I told them, this food is not for them. It is only for my room. They all ignored us and continued eating.
I was pissed, how can people be so incosiderate? Not only they are eating food that is not theirs, they did not stop to ask if they can eat.
Pissed me off even in my dreams.
My hubby and I decided to treat ourself to getaway in a beautiful luxurious hotel.
It was a beautiful hotel, newly furnished and the room we had was fit for the Queen and King.
Just as we entered our room, just outside there was a huge spread of food. It came as part of our room package. For both of us only.
Auds and her friends were there too...they were waiting for their food at another table. When they saw our spread of food, they came over and started eating.
I told them, this food is not for them. It is only for my room. They all ignored us and continued eating.
I was pissed, how can people be so incosiderate? Not only they are eating food that is not theirs, they did not stop to ask if they can eat.
Pissed me off even in my dreams.
Monday, December 20, 2010
"Fake" Men
He was a good friend. Good guy, very attentive and nice to women. He is the type of guy that women can fall easily in love with. Smooth-talker, funny, smart, good-looking, socialize well, attentive (the type that protects women when you are with him), a good friend, overall a guy whom a girl will feel really lucky to have as her man. No faults, almost perfect.
Many moons ago when I first got to know him, I didn't see any faults, we became fast friends and I actually considered. But then just as I considered, it was like a big curtain was opened in my eyes. He was all the positives of the above, but then I saw something else. So small that nobody would notice. So small that even if I told others, they won't see it or believe me either.
But when I saw this little small fault, it never left me. He is a "little fake".
And I say a "little" cos in general, you won't be able to see it. In general, he is still a nice guy. In general he is still all that he is and all that he shows himself to be - all the positives. But I saw that he is not all that genuine, some of his actions so subtly but I saw is all not that real. Almost like a pretense but then he is not really pretending. It is difficult to describe. But it is like, he is this really nice guy and he is and he does do all the nice things but then once in a while he slips, you see that he is not 100% genuine. It is like a show he shows but a show that he has perfected that he almost became perfect but in actuality deep down he is not perfect.
Then again, is he all the positives above, yes he is. Is he a good friend, yes he is. Is he like a perfect husband/bf, yes he is. But I could not get over the little glimpse of "fakeness" I saw. It was almost I saw him for who he really is. I am still his friend but we are no longer close. But I have not become cold, there was no reason too. I became like him "fake" when I am with him. I am still like nice and close to him, we joke, we show concern, we are great friends but I am a "little fake", not 100% genuine. So, to avoid my own fakeness, I distance myself as necessary and naturally from him. I don't want to be a fake even if it is 1%.
He married the nicest girl. The girl worships the ground he walks on. She has been in love with him like forever. Together, they are like match made in heaven. Perfect life, Perfect couple.
Then I found out he slept around. Or well, I heard he slept with a collegue. This apparently happened a year ago. I wasn't around at that time. When I heard this from a source, I was in a dilemma.
He is a friend, his wife is a friend infact became a close girlfriend ie. we hang out and the girl he slept with is also a friend. Wow!! What am I to do?
Should I say something to him? He is after all, my friend first but then we are not that close anymore.
Should I say something to his wife? As a girlfriend to her, I should, but then this happened sometime back, I just heard about it now and it is from a third party. What if it is not true?
Should I say something to the girl he "apparently" slept with? I know her, we are friends but who am I to say anything to her??
So I confided with a girlfriend who also know all 3 of them. She hated me for it :) cos now she also has to carry the burden. At least there are 2 of us now. Anyway, we decided that we will not say anything.
Primary reason - we did not see it with our own eyes, what if not true, why plant a seed of betrayal if we don't even know for sure there was and whatmore this happened one year ago.
I hope we made the right decision.
This story came up again for me, sparked up by a dream I had yesterday.
He AS did it again. Apparently, he slept with many girls. We were all at a party. I was in a bad mood and wanted to leave. I started to walk out the door. I saw his wife DE in the crowd. She stopped me and said she wanted to talk. But I was in a hurry to go. I asked her can it wait? She said ok. But she looked sad. As I walked away, I felt bad. Did I do the right thing? Should I just stay and talk to her? I looked back at her, she was already talking with 2 other people. I hurried on. SP stopped me. She asked if she can walk with me and go where I was going. I said fine. We took the car and sped off.
Many moons ago when I first got to know him, I didn't see any faults, we became fast friends and I actually considered. But then just as I considered, it was like a big curtain was opened in my eyes. He was all the positives of the above, but then I saw something else. So small that nobody would notice. So small that even if I told others, they won't see it or believe me either.
But when I saw this little small fault, it never left me. He is a "little fake".
And I say a "little" cos in general, you won't be able to see it. In general, he is still a nice guy. In general he is still all that he is and all that he shows himself to be - all the positives. But I saw that he is not all that genuine, some of his actions so subtly but I saw is all not that real. Almost like a pretense but then he is not really pretending. It is difficult to describe. But it is like, he is this really nice guy and he is and he does do all the nice things but then once in a while he slips, you see that he is not 100% genuine. It is like a show he shows but a show that he has perfected that he almost became perfect but in actuality deep down he is not perfect.
Then again, is he all the positives above, yes he is. Is he a good friend, yes he is. Is he like a perfect husband/bf, yes he is. But I could not get over the little glimpse of "fakeness" I saw. It was almost I saw him for who he really is. I am still his friend but we are no longer close. But I have not become cold, there was no reason too. I became like him "fake" when I am with him. I am still like nice and close to him, we joke, we show concern, we are great friends but I am a "little fake", not 100% genuine. So, to avoid my own fakeness, I distance myself as necessary and naturally from him. I don't want to be a fake even if it is 1%.
He married the nicest girl. The girl worships the ground he walks on. She has been in love with him like forever. Together, they are like match made in heaven. Perfect life, Perfect couple.
Then I found out he slept around. Or well, I heard he slept with a collegue. This apparently happened a year ago. I wasn't around at that time. When I heard this from a source, I was in a dilemma.
He is a friend, his wife is a friend infact became a close girlfriend ie. we hang out and the girl he slept with is also a friend. Wow!! What am I to do?
Should I say something to him? He is after all, my friend first but then we are not that close anymore.
Should I say something to his wife? As a girlfriend to her, I should, but then this happened sometime back, I just heard about it now and it is from a third party. What if it is not true?
Should I say something to the girl he "apparently" slept with? I know her, we are friends but who am I to say anything to her??
So I confided with a girlfriend who also know all 3 of them. She hated me for it :) cos now she also has to carry the burden. At least there are 2 of us now. Anyway, we decided that we will not say anything.
Primary reason - we did not see it with our own eyes, what if not true, why plant a seed of betrayal if we don't even know for sure there was and whatmore this happened one year ago.
I hope we made the right decision.
This story came up again for me, sparked up by a dream I had yesterday.
He AS did it again. Apparently, he slept with many girls. We were all at a party. I was in a bad mood and wanted to leave. I started to walk out the door. I saw his wife DE in the crowd. She stopped me and said she wanted to talk. But I was in a hurry to go. I asked her can it wait? She said ok. But she looked sad. As I walked away, I felt bad. Did I do the right thing? Should I just stay and talk to her? I looked back at her, she was already talking with 2 other people. I hurried on. SP stopped me. She asked if she can walk with me and go where I was going. I said fine. We took the car and sped off.
SP wanted to talk to me. We stopped at a coffee stall. She told me that DE found out that AS has been sleeping around. She found hundreds of text messages on his phone from MAS air stewardess. DE is very sad. We need a plan.
I woke up. A dream based on reality.
Friday, December 17, 2010
What killed Ranjan Das and Lessons for Corporate India?
This story left a deep impression on me. Key message - SLEEP!
What killed Ranjan Das and Lessons for Corporate India
Many of us heard about the sad demise of Ranjan Das from Bandra, Mumbai. Ranjan, just 42 years of age, was the CEO of SAP-Indian Subcontinent, the youngest CEO of an MNC in India. He was very active in sports, was a fitness freak and a marathon runner. It was common to see him run on Bandra's Carter Road. Just after Diwali, on 21st Oct, he returned home from his gym after a workout, collapsed with a massive heart attack and died. He is survived by his wife and two very young kids.
It was certainly a wake-up call for corporate India. However, it was even more disastrous for runners amongst us. Since Ranjan was an avid marathoner(in Feb 09, he ran Chennai Marathon at the same time some of us were running Pondicherry Marathon 180 km away), the question came as to why an exceptionally active, athletic person succumb to heart attack at 42 years of age.
Was it the stress?
A couple of you called me asking about the reasons. While Ranjan had mentioned that he faced a lot of stress, that is a common element in most of our lives. We used to think that by being fit, one can conquer the bad effects of stress. So I doubted if the cause was stress.
The Real Reason
However, everyone missed out a small line in the reports that Ranjan used to make do with 4-5 hours of sleep. This is an earlier interview of Ranjan on NDTV in the program 'Boss' Day Out':
http://connect.in.com/ranjan-das/play-video-boss-day-out-ranjan-das-of-sap-india-229111-807ecfcf1ad966036c289b3ba6c376f2530d7484.html
Here he himself admits that he would love to get more sleep (and that he was not proud of his ability to manage without sleep, contrary to what others extolled).
The Evidence
Last week, I was working with a well-known cardiologist on the subject of ‘Heart Disease caused by Lack of Sleep’. While I cannot share the video nor the slides because of confidentiality reasons, I have distilled the key points below in the hope it will save some of our lives.
Some Excerpts:
· Short sleep duration (<5 or 5-6 hours) increased risk for high BP by 350% to 500% compared to those who slept longer than 6 hours per night. Paper published in 2009.
As you know, high BP kills.
· Young people (25-49 years of age) are twice as likely to get high BP if they sleep less. Paper published in 2006.
· Individuals who slept less than 5 hours a night had a 3-fold increased risk of heart attacks. Paper published in 1999.
· Complete and partial lack of sleep increased the blood concentrations of High sensitivity C-Reactive Protein (hs-cRP),the strongest predictor of heart attacks. Even after getting adequate sleep later, the levels stayed high!!
· Just one night of sleep loss increases very toxic substances in body such as Interleukin-6 (IL-6), Tumour Necrosis Factor-Alpha (TNF-alpha) and C-reactive protein (cRP). They increase risks of many medical conditions, including cancer, arthritis andheart disease. Paper published in 2004.
· Sleeping for <=5 hours per night leads to 39% increase in heart disease. Sleeping for <=6 hours per night leads to 18% increase in heart disease. Paper published in 2006.
Ideal Sleep
For lack of space, I cannot explain here the ideal sleep architecture. But in brief, sleep is composed of two stages: REM (Rapid Eye Movement) and non-REM. The former helps in mental consolidation while the latter helps in physical repair and rebuilding. During the night, you alternate between REM and non-REM stages 4-5 times.
The earlier part of sleep is mostly non-REM. During that period, your pituitary gland releases growth hormones that repair your body. The latter part of sleep is more and more REM type.
For you to be mentally alert during the day, the latter part of sleep is more important. No wonder when you wake up with an alarm clock after 5-6 hours of sleep, you are mentally irritable throughout the day (lack of REM sleep). And if you have slept for less than 5 hours, your body is in a complete physical mess (lack of non-REM sleep), you are tired throughout the day, moving like a zombie and your immunity is way down (I’ve been there, done that L)
Finally, as long-distance runners, you need an hour of extra sleep to repair the running related damage.
What killed Ranjan Das and Lessons for Corporate India
Many of us heard about the sad demise of Ranjan Das from Bandra, Mumbai. Ranjan, just 42 years of age, was the CEO of SAP-Indian Subcontinent, the youngest CEO of an MNC in India. He was very active in sports, was a fitness freak and a marathon runner. It was common to see him run on Bandra's Carter Road. Just after Diwali, on 21st Oct, he returned home from his gym after a workout, collapsed with a massive heart attack and died. He is survived by his wife and two very young kids.
It was certainly a wake-up call for corporate India. However, it was even more disastrous for runners amongst us. Since Ranjan was an avid marathoner(in Feb 09, he ran Chennai Marathon at the same time some of us were running Pondicherry Marathon 180 km away), the question came as to why an exceptionally active, athletic person succumb to heart attack at 42 years of age.
Was it the stress?
A couple of you called me asking about the reasons. While Ranjan had mentioned that he faced a lot of stress, that is a common element in most of our lives. We used to think that by being fit, one can conquer the bad effects of stress. So I doubted if the cause was stress.
The Real Reason
However, everyone missed out a small line in the reports that Ranjan used to make do with 4-5 hours of sleep. This is an earlier interview of Ranjan on NDTV in the program 'Boss' Day Out':
http://connect.in.com/ranjan-das/play-video-boss-day-out-ranjan-das-of-sap-india-229111-807ecfcf1ad966036c289b3ba6c376f2530d7484.html
Here he himself admits that he would love to get more sleep (and that he was not proud of his ability to manage without sleep, contrary to what others extolled).
The Evidence
Last week, I was working with a well-known cardiologist on the subject of ‘Heart Disease caused by Lack of Sleep’. While I cannot share the video nor the slides because of confidentiality reasons, I have distilled the key points below in the hope it will save some of our lives.
Some Excerpts:
· Short sleep duration (<5 or 5-6 hours) increased risk for high BP by 350% to 500% compared to those who slept longer than 6 hours per night. Paper published in 2009.
As you know, high BP kills.
· Young people (25-49 years of age) are twice as likely to get high BP if they sleep less. Paper published in 2006.
· Individuals who slept less than 5 hours a night had a 3-fold increased risk of heart attacks. Paper published in 1999.
· Complete and partial lack of sleep increased the blood concentrations of High sensitivity C-Reactive Protein (hs-cRP),the strongest predictor of heart attacks. Even after getting adequate sleep later, the levels stayed high!!
· Just one night of sleep loss increases very toxic substances in body such as Interleukin-6 (IL-6), Tumour Necrosis Factor-Alpha (TNF-alpha) and C-reactive protein (cRP). They increase risks of many medical conditions, including cancer, arthritis andheart disease. Paper published in 2004.
· Sleeping for <=5 hours per night leads to 39% increase in heart disease. Sleeping for <=6 hours per night leads to 18% increase in heart disease. Paper published in 2006.
Ideal Sleep
For lack of space, I cannot explain here the ideal sleep architecture. But in brief, sleep is composed of two stages: REM (Rapid Eye Movement) and non-REM. The former helps in mental consolidation while the latter helps in physical repair and rebuilding. During the night, you alternate between REM and non-REM stages 4-5 times.
The earlier part of sleep is mostly non-REM. During that period, your pituitary gland releases growth hormones that repair your body. The latter part of sleep is more and more REM type.
For you to be mentally alert during the day, the latter part of sleep is more important. No wonder when you wake up with an alarm clock after 5-6 hours of sleep, you are mentally irritable throughout the day (lack of REM sleep). And if you have slept for less than 5 hours, your body is in a complete physical mess (lack of non-REM sleep), you are tired throughout the day, moving like a zombie and your immunity is way down (I’ve been there, done that L)
Finally, as long-distance runners, you need an hour of extra sleep to repair the running related damage.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Did I Tell You About My Doctor's Crush?
I kinda have a crush on him. He is a doctor ok, I am in awe with his confidence, his expertise :) And to qualify, I love my hubby very very much. But, I must say that a woman is entitled to innocent crushes :) :)
Back to my doc story.
I saw him at the same restaurant having lunch with 2 ladies.
I went over to said hello, he introduced his wife. Nice! see...a good man.
I went on to my own lunch.
He finished first.
As he got out of his table, he naturally greeted me goodbye. Again..nice!
But the unexpected happen. He lost his footing slightly and almost tripped. In a rather quiet room, this was a slight commotion.
He regained composure and walked away.
Awwww...I felt bad for him. To be precise, I felt bad because I think he would feel embarrassed and then feel bad. And so I sincerely hope he does not feel bad.
I guess, if it was me in that position, I would feel embarrassed and would in turn feel bad. But then again, that's just me.
I am sure he without a single thought of the incident, went back and focused on his patients. :)
Back to my doc story.
I saw him at the same restaurant having lunch with 2 ladies.
I went over to said hello, he introduced his wife. Nice! see...a good man.
I went on to my own lunch.
He finished first.
As he got out of his table, he naturally greeted me goodbye. Again..nice!
But the unexpected happen. He lost his footing slightly and almost tripped. In a rather quiet room, this was a slight commotion.
He regained composure and walked away.
Awwww...I felt bad for him. To be precise, I felt bad because I think he would feel embarrassed and then feel bad. And so I sincerely hope he does not feel bad.
I guess, if it was me in that position, I would feel embarrassed and would in turn feel bad. But then again, that's just me.
I am sure he without a single thought of the incident, went back and focused on his patients. :)
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
A Priest That Will Not Lie
Joke Of The Day
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
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