Red Convertible, Mansion and my Hubby

My husband was driving me in this red hot convertible. He was looking really handsome in a suit. He kinda have a corny smile on his face, almost confident and cocky. Very unlike him. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable maybe because I was not looking my best. I think it is probably because I forgot my contact lenses and was feeling extremely unattractive in my spectacles.

I kept looking at my husband and whispered "I love you". He just smiled. Probably I was trying to attract his attention. Will he still love me now that he has a red hot convertible and look extremely dashing in his suit? He drove me back to our mansion for me to get my contacts. Dream ended.


Hmmm..it was an interesting dream. It looked like me and hubby are rich with a big mansion and a convertible (leather seats, mind you!!), However it was kinda weird as I did not feel comfortable, almost like I was not sure about who is this person beside me. I know that he loves me (because he does) but it was like a feeling that was unreal, almost like slipping away. Thus, I was repeating "I love you" trying to get a response out from him.


Maybe this dream is trying to say...things will change if we become rich! :)

I walk and walk and walk

So I have been feeling really fat right...... it is a yucky feeling.

I am proud to say I successfully went for evening brisk walk 3 days in a row. It is probably a small achievement for a lot of people but for people out there who struggle to even exercise for a day, you will understand this is an achievement.

I do feel a lot better and feel really proud that I am doing it. Basically 30 minutes of brisk walk and about 30-40 squats per day.

I hope to keep it up, keep my ass tight and firm.

Hmmm...maybe that is why I have not been dreaming that much these few nights.

Kenny Sia vs Kenny Sai

Oh my...Oh my!! My eyes are blurry from reading all the postings on kennysai.blogspot.com.

I was one of the followers of the KennySia scandal not too many months ago. I can't believe it is back and it is back with a vengeance!

This is a tale of an ordinary guy Kenny Sia who became a blogger and his blog became so big, so did his ego. He had a girlfriend, he slept with another and mind you they are all bloggers. One thing led to another, the secret is out, other bloggers are bashing him up. That was 2-3 mths ago. Now there is a new person named Kenny Sai who is blogging and bringing back all the scandals and more. Unfolding even more scandals, Dawn, Paris, abortion...wow!

This scandal is more exciting than Hollywood gossips. Wow! There is even a Disney version of the Kenny Sia scandal- please click here, it's funny.

Moral of the story - Don't be a famous blogger!

Sex Perverts in Crowded Places

Have you ever encountered sex perverts?

I wonder why they exists? What goes through their brainless brains? And how do they live with themselves?

I am talking about those sex perverts that exists in crowded places, bus, trains, elevators. Why do they get a kick on pressing themselves on total strangers?

I guess asking why is really not actionable. Knowing that they exist and knowing how to protect yourself is the best thing.

I have had my share of these perverts. Ever since young from primary school, I take public bus to school. And of course the bus is always packed at morning rush hour. People were usually sandwiched together. It happened to me a few times. I was young and had no knowledge what it was, why is this fella standing so close to me and pressing himself to me? But I knew it was wrong, I tried to push him off, one time I stamped on his feet. However, I was a silent victim. Because I did not know better, I did not say anything, I did not shout back. Recalling now, if the others in the bus saw what the asshole did, then they were all silent accomplices with him too because nobody said anything.

I remember one morning after getting down from the bus, I broke down and cried. My senior prefects in school was wondering why and tried to console me but I could not tell them. I just felt ashamed and violated.

If I knew then, what I know now, I would turn to the asshole and shout at him, let everyone in the bus know what he is doing.

Therefore I believe sex education or sex conversations is a must with your kids. Tell them what is wrong and right. Teach them how to protect themselves and fight for their rights.

For all sex perverts out there....stop or you will just burn in hell.

NO matter what. She is still my mom!

Even though a slight volcano erupted between my mom and me yesterday but it's ok...it has become like part and parcel of our relationship.

I am not proud that I am rude to her, I told myself a thousand times that I would need to be more tolerant but how? how to do it when the feelings and reactions are already embedded in me.

Whenever she opens her mouth, my automatic attack reaction comes on. Actually, if people see from outside, they won't understand but when you are in it, you will know why it is like that, how it happened and how hard it is to change.

I wish I can change too and I think only God can help me.

I also wish that my mom would change cos if she continues being the hard, dissatisfied, nagging person that she is, our family will never be happy. I know she can't change. If I find it difficult, what more her who has lived all her life like that.

I guess, if it is to be, it is up to me.

Anyway, as my truce, I bought her a gift set for her birthday in Nov. It is a small gesture and soon it will be forgotten and she will pick on me for other things but it's ok, I will do my part.

She must learn to shut up

She's my mom and I love her but I wish she would learn the skill of shutting her gab.

Therefore, I must remind myself that I would need to learn to shut my mouth as necessary too. I don't want to know not be aware as I age. Which means I don't want to end up like my mom specifically the not so desiring habits.

My mom brought me up in a scolding manner. She is a stern person and she brought me up with kinda a hard stern anger. Almost like she hated me, and hated everything that I did as it would never be right in her eyes. Now that I am older and wiser, I guess I understand that it is her love that has hardened her. The way she shows love is by scolding.

Difficult to face sometimes but I just have to constantly remind myself that no matter what she is my mom. However, due to her hardness and years of scolding, I have also become like her. I have become like her to face her. Do you understand? I treat her exactly like how she treated me. I would scold her for everything that she does wrong. It is unfortunate but it is reality almost like a retribution for me and for her.

I have tell myself that I must stop but everytime she opens up her mouth to scold me, I put back my armour and will scold her back. It has become my automatic shield.

Today...I wanted to cook lunch for my dad. My mom as always would say please do not cook for her, she is full and blah blah blah, blah, blah (don't mess up my kitchen, please do this, do that, clean this, hang here....) errrrr buzzing and buzzing with instructions and complaints!!

The mistake I made was that the egg I was going to use, dropped to the chair. It cracked, I quickly picked it up and cleaned the chair. But of course, she erupted!! "This , That, careless, why did not use bowl, why do this, why do that etc scold scold scold scold." It was so irritating. She makes people around her so agitated by her constant scolding.

I gave up. I shouted back "leave me alone, I am not going to cook, shut up!" I left to go up to my room.

The consequence...my dad would have no lunch. It's ok, there are other stuff to eat at home.

As for my mom, she came to my room later with a piece of papaya and asked me to eat, I guess it is her way of a truce.

2 Money dreams - what do they mean?

1st Dream

My cousin Leng and hubby was outside the gate. Her hubby was shouting how they have found a way to make loads of money. He was gloating gleefully. Leng looked at him with warning eyes not to reveal what the secret is. They came into the house. I was rather annoyed. "Why was Leng being so selfish?" We are family, if she did not want to share, then don't gloat. I decided to confront her as I see no reason to keep dislike in my heart. I asked her to come in the room with me. By now she has morphed into my cousin brother KC. I voiced my dissatisfaction with her selfishness, he started crying on my shoulders, he was sorry! But he did not tell me what was the secret of making loads of money! Shucks!

2nd Dream

My hubby took me to a dingy looking hotel room. He said he wanted us to experienced poverty!! huh??!! The room was small and dark. Scary! Then we went outside the hotel to wait for his friend. It looked like a bus stand. They were a lot of people around and there was a pick-pocket going around trying to take stuff from people's bags. We went back to the to hotel. Slept on the hard bed and I woke up, crying..."I don't want to stay in this cheap dirty hotel. Please don't force me to experience poverty!!"

I woke up! Hmmm.......what do they mean? The depressing news of the current economic situation must be getting into me.

I am overweight, I am fat

Ok this is terrible.

I did a fitness assessment today and the results turned out bad. Net result is that I am FAT!

Firstly they tell me I am overweight, next they tell me I performed very poor in overall metabolic rate assessment.

I am fat, no 2 ways about it.

Deal with it!

I got thru Wed and now just 2 more days to go...

Do you ever feel like that? Getting to Wednesday seems forever but once it hits Thursday, everything would seem lighter and faster.

Therefore I just want to tell everybody out there, Happy Thursday! Let it be a wonderful Thursday and even lovelier Friday and then with a blink of an eye, you will leave the office, it will be Friday night and there it starts......your weekend!!

Bliss!

My Beautiful Holiday Dream

I had the most wonderful dream last week. I felt like I was inside a fairy tale story book with enchanted forests, and magical mountains and lakes.

I was with a bunch of people. I know them but now I don’t remember who they are specifically. Probably my family. At first, we were in a jungle, we were kinda lost trying to find our way out. To add to the drama, some giant scorpions appeared, we ran for our life. We managed to get out of the jungle and came to this pure white land. It was a land filled with snow, so white that it glisten under the sunlight, we were climbing up a snow filled hill, it was quite a walk and we can only see white land in front of us. It was getting a bit dark. We walked and walked and then I saw it. The most beautiful cottage all lighted with multi coloured lights and lanterns. There was a beautiful porch with benches to sit and relax. It just gave such a beautiful feeling, a magically beautiful house on top of a snow filled mountain. It was just a warm feeling. We walked in and then we came to the back of a house. It opened up to a lake, the water so blue and so serene. The sun has just set and the moon light was glistening down on the lake creating beautiful effect on the lake front. Oh my…it was such a beautiful sight and such a beautiful dream.


Hmmm…what does it mean? I probably need a holiday! I told my husband a few days later, I want to go on a holiday as my birthday present! He just need to plan and surprise me :)

The sex monster in your dreams

You are laying down on your bed. You are falling asleep but still drifting in and out. You feel a presence in the room. You want to see who it is. But your body is betraying you and you just could not turn your head to see who it is.

The predator in the room moves closer and closer. It is breathing on top of you. You want to move, you want to shout, you want to call for help. But nothing happens. The force is pressing harder onto you, breathing down your neck. You are struggling, you want to break free. You are pushing back as hard as you can. Your body just will not cooperate. You can't believe this is happening to you. You feel violated. Your body is being violated. You tell your mind to move your body. Please, please, help me. Get this creature of me! Your world is closing into you.

And suddenly, you wake up. You feel a weight off your body but your body is tired out. Was it a dream? It felt so real. You are scared but your mind is so tired. Did someone really come into the room? You drift back into sleep.

Have you encoutered this before? I hate when it happens. It is such a struggle and the violation to the body and it feels like you are pushing away a sex monster. I call it the sex monster in my dreams. It appears whenever I sleep late and I have been thinking too much before sleep.

I have to use so much of my mind strength to fight it off. It feels so real like it is between consciousness and semi-consciousness. Sometimes even after I fight off the sex monster and I drift back to sleep, it appears again. Sh*t!

It tried to appear last night but I was stronger, in a split second as it was about to attack, I fought it off and I woke up. Phew! Changed my sleeping position and drift back to sleep.

What's wrong with Singapore taximen?

Taxi man 1 - Lee Hsien Loong is stupid! The casino will be bankrupt. Economy so bad now.

Taxi man 2 - What man Singapore government? Fuel price came down but electricity bill is still going up this Oct 22%!!!!!

Taxi man 3 - Such a small piece of land also can build a office building!! You know this land was just gas station before this. Like that also can build an office building now! Crazy wan, one day Singapore buildings will collapse.

In just one day, 3 different taximen and such negative outlooks on Singapore. I felt that they are really disatisfied. What's wrong with them?

Dreams - Take a Break, Hide in the Toilet

I had a weird dream last night.

I don't really know where I was but I remember it was a dingy old looking office building. Jenz was searching for the toilet. She went into on washroom and was grumbling when it was being washed. Then she went on to find another washroom nearby and was gleefully happy that it was available. She opened the door and I could see that it was kinda a dark looking smelly toilet. She went in and then came up again still smiling, took a book and a chair and went in again. She was going to lay down meaning body at the toilet bowl, legs stretched out chair to read her book. Huh???

I woke up feeling kinda yucky. Maybe I needed a toilet. But I guess it is just a reminder that I have taken breaks from work before by hiding in the toilet. However, never really stretching out that way! And I make sure the toilet is clean and odor free as much as possible.

Have you hidden in toilet to take a break from work?

Irritation between hubby and wifey

Ok...my hubby is irritated with me. I can't believe it. He is not like that. I am not used to it. Well, I fundamentally think it is not good. You should get let irritation crept into the relationship. It is the first sign of a negative feeling. From a slight irritation it will lead to dislike and lead to disatisfaction and then lead to anger and more and more negative feelings until it is out of control.

As husband and wife, we must stop it. We cannot allow ourselves to be irritated with each other. We may not agree on everything and we may not like something about each other - we are human - there is no 100% perfect. We are human, we are sinners, we are imperfect but as a couple, we should not let irritation crept in. For eg. I don't like his snoring but I should not let it irritate me. As a couple, we are forgiving, we should encourage and support each other.

Don't get me wrong, it is not that we just allow each other to be whoever, whatever!! It's not that. We should tell each other how we feel about each other whether good or bad - this is the whole point of communication! And because we love each other, we will adjust / change / make the effort for each other. But we must not let it get to us. We must not let this negative feeling of irritation surface. Cos once it does we are feeling each other in a negative way.

I felt he is irritated with me cos he thinks I don't listen to him, I don't pay attention to him and I am always distracted with something else when I am with him. It is irritating him and I feel that he is on the lookout for when I will do wrong. He will attack me instantly when he feels I am doing that cos he is consumed by his irritation. Because he gets irritated, his negative reaction to me will be stronger which then makes me feel he is attacking me.

This is really not good, I don't like it and I don't feel good about it. What happened to be ever loving and forgiving and supportive husband? He has always given me a feeling a unconditional love, always forgiving, ever loving!! I may have overused it. Is it payback time?

Well...I hope he does not change. I think it will be very difficult for me. He has been my pillar of strength and assurance because he is so loving. I want it this way. I want him to love me more. I don't want him to be disatisfied with me.

More so......I don't want to start to be irritated with him. It will just open the flood gate.....

Sex Interrupted

Oh my...the topic about sex came up in an afternoon tea with my girl friends.Ha ha....so exciting that would have everyone sitting up and giving inputs etc. The topic revolved around the misconception about sex and how great sex is supposed to be. We realized that sex is not always explosive and wonderful when it happens. And if it is not fantastic, then it becomes a sensitive issue and must be treated with care and trust.

Well...somehow the impression is when 2 people in love and agree to make love for the first time and all other times after, it will be explosive!! an amazing kind of feeling and experience. Well, I have to disagree. I think it is not as easy as ABC. There are adjustments, trying to understand each other preferences and making it work. I am making it sound like work....no no...it is enjoyable but just that reality is that it is not explosive all the time and I don't want to mislead all women out there that it would be.

Like everything, the more you do it, the better I guess.

I am the Man, He is the Woman ??

My hubby always says this about me and him. It's funny actually. These are the examples -

1) He talks more than I. I am lazy to talk and update on stuff so I just listen and often ask him to talk. I guess I am a good listener.

2) He is sensitive and thoughtful. He even remembered the day we met and he sent me flowers. I was for a minute thinking....errr...what is it for?? But I was sooooo touched. So sweet right?

3) I often fall asleep when he is talking on the phone. We are on long distance relationship now, so talking on the phone everyday and I end up falling asleep. I blame it on his sweet serenading voice.

4) Well, I make more money than him. At least for now:-)

5) He loves to gossip!! but then again so do I.

6) I don't really cuddle after sex. I go to the loo.

7) I don't put things back to its original position. Freaks him out.

8) He is neat and tidy. Well, I won't say I am untidy though!

9) He loves shopping and really... I just stop him.

10) I fart...more....come on..give me a break, can't help it! I have IBS!

So..who really is the man and who is the woman?

Be more like the other person

No 2 people is very the same completely even when you find your better half. This is something we (my hubby and I) have realised since the begining. Fundamentally, I think it is good cos even though we are different, it is in a good way. The key in having a difference in opinion, way of doing things is in how you adapt and rub of each other.

I fundamentally feel that his way of thinking (which is different from mine) is GOOD in this own way. And that is a great start point. That shows respect. While I don't agree with his way, don't even like it but I don't resent it, I respect him for who he is. That's important!. But of course I still think I am right in my own way. I believe that our differences would rub off on each other and make us better people.

My husband, he is a slow and steady relax guy. He can't multitask, prefer to do things at his own pace and do it well. I on the other hand is aggresive, action oriented, multitasker and want to achieve this and that in life. Therefore I will tend to think that he is just too complacent and not aggresive enough to achieve what he wants. I get frustrated and irritated with him. I on the other hand to him may come across as too big headed, selfish, and ambitious. While I wish that he is not as laid back, but fundamentally the way he is ....is the reason why I fell in love with him. He is caring, committed, takes effort and times, compassionate and really go all out to love and take care of me. And I believe that the way he is should rub off on me cos it would do me good. I should slow down, be more compassionate, patient. Not that is not to change to be like him. I like who I am.

So for me, I hope that my drive for life, my clarity of important goals to achieve in life would rub off on him too. I need him to be at the driver seat of this family. Due to my nature, I would easy just want to take over. That's not good.

I have to consciously tell myself that I must respect him as the man and the lead in this family. I must use the soft approach to enrol him. I must not look down on him. I must not make him feel small. I know I am capable of doing mean things sometimes, not intentionally but just because I am aggresive and driven, I tend to get frustrated with people who is slow. I am not as compassionate and I recognise it as something I can improve on.

Anyway, as for me and hubby.......we are different but we need to learn to be more like each other. He be more like me. I be more like him. That is when we can create a good blend. That will be what make it work.

Am I always right?

Do you believe you will end up like your parents? I know I will end up exactly like my mom. But I don't want to and I so desperately fight her all my life. And yet I have a nagging feeling that I will end up exactly like her. What are the odds? Is there a point in fighting it? will you end up like your mother no matter what you do? Well, I want to fight it and be conscious of my actions.

I know that I am righteous, eg my way is always right. I have thot about it, my way is most logical, most right, most convenient, whatever, I am just more right. Infact, I sometimes can't even see how can the other way be better. I try to fight, I get uncomfortable, I am ready to argue it out. Do it MY WAY!

But really, is there a right way? I know that every decision made, they will be a path to follow. No one really knows whether it is right or wrong until you take the first step. And even if the road becomes rocky, another way may just appear infront. So really I know there is no right or wrong.

So why is it so important to prove I am right?

Be aware that I don't need to always be right.

Toilet paper

I don't understand old folks. My grandma does it and now so does my mom.

Toilet paper is probably the cheapest paper. So my dear granny and mommy probably don't feel so wasteful when they use toilet paper vs others. I can see that they refrain from using tissue papers as much as they can. My granny probably have never used kitchen napkins or kitchen towels before. My mom does but it is so rarely used, she uses a plastic cover to cover it up so that it does not get dusty.

Anyway, here is the story of toilet paper. They will roll up toilet paper to put in their handbags. This is so they can use when they go to a public toilet. God forbid if you ever find decent public toilets in Malaysia (expect for some hotels), whatmore if they have toilet papers, it is almost a miracle! :)

Alright, so I applaud granny and mommy for their effort on personal hygiene. It is a saver to have toilet paper with you and they have saved me on many occasions too.

BUT and the BIG BUT is that I can't stand that they actually roll the unused toilet paper back to the toilet roll when they get home. Why or Why? I hate to go into toilet and realize that the toilet paper looks it has been pulled, torn and rolled back again.

I have often grumbled to my granny when I was staying with her. She is old, it fell on deaf years. But I have never said anything to my mom even though I noticed recently that she started to do the exact same thing.

Anyway, yesterday I snapped when she handed me some toilet paper to wipe something while we were in the car. That little gesture somehow release a screw in my head and I went on and on about how toilet paper is to be used in the toilet. And it is very unhygienic to re-roll unused toilet paper back to the roll. Blah blah blah.....

I think she was a little surprised but I said my peace. Enuff said. Let's see if it sticks.

I know I should not have...but

I know I should not have done it. It is wrong but I can't help it.

I gave in.

But is it really wrong? I am still wondering if it is wrong.

It is not with anybody else, it is with myself and I am thinking of him. So is it wrong?

I need to get some answers for it.

I am feeling a bit guilty so it is probably wrong but a part of me says it is ok.

I will get some answers for it.

Dream - It's about sex again

I must really miss my husband. Or I am just feeling horny, :)

Nope...I just miss my husband. I won't be able to see him for another 8-10 weeks.

I took a nap this afternoon, one of those rare afternoon treats. But I have long discovered that afternoon naps are not really good for you.

You often wake up feeling really disoriented. And often could not comprehend between dream and reality.

So I dreamt about sex again. Can't really remember the details but just remember it was pretty good. Then I woke up and the good feeling still remained.

But alas, it was a dream. Therefore, it was like a pleasure and pain mixed together and could not really comprehend which is which.

Hmmmm...I wonder what dreams I would have tonight!

Love and Hate Relationship with Mom

How many of you can relate to this?

All my life, I have a turbulent relationship with my mom. She is a strong lady and have worked very hard to bring up the family. She had a hard life. Being the eldest and only daugther of 4 brothers, she hardly had a childhood. From a very young age, she had to be independant, she had to take care of her siblings, wash clothes, feed the brothers, take care of the household etc.

It does not help that she grew up during the Japanese occupation. I can only imagine how hard life was for a low-income family. Her hard life has hardened her as a person too. She brought me up the only way she knew how - the hard way, with an iron fist, with strict rules, with the hope that I will have a better life.

So in everything I do, I was nagged, scolded often.....just so that I know the consequences of my actions. If I don't study hard then blah blah, If I don't do well in my exam, then blah blah, If I don't have money, then blah blah, If I go out late, then blah blah, If I go out often, then blah blah.....

In her effort to ensure I do not fail, do not make a mistake, she has now become a negative person. Often only looking at what could go wrong. No praises, no joy, just cautions and scoldings.

I have been blessed with many good things - good education, scholarships, great job and now a wonderful husband. But my mom still remains the same person she was. Often just looking at what I do wrong, often scolding me for my actions. I have wondered before if she was proud of me.

Deep down I know that she is very proud of me. I also know she does not know how to express it. She just know her way. Her way of love is to advise, caution, nag, scold etc.

I am often at loggerheads with my mom. After years of nagging and scolding and constant negativity about the things I do, I have had enough. I know I should try harder to be patient but sometimes it is so difficult cos every word she says just presses my buttons. It is almost an automatic reaction.

I love my mom but there are many times that I am so angry at her. She just brings out the worst in me. It is like a downhill spiral. She scolds, I snap, she scolds somemore, I snap and she scolds even more.............

I have many stories about my mom. I am appreciative of what she has done for me. I just wish that our constant disagreements do not cloud my love for me.

I will be sharing more stories about me and my mom. I want to use it as a reminder for myself.

Tell me your stories of you and your mom.