I am angry at my mom

How do I get rid of this feelings?

It is not that I am mistreating my mom or anything. We stay under the same roof and just like any other mother and daughter. The only difference is that we have a very hostile relationship.

She brought me up by scolding me. Constantly dissatisfied with what I do. Despite me being a great student with scholarship, have a great job, my mother is still my mother. I know she is proud of me but in front of me, she is still the same. She is constantly looking out for my faults and scolding me for it.

I can't say that I hate my mom. Infact, I do care for her. But I have become just like her. I will find faults with her now. I will scold her about everything. It is almost like my revenge. But it is not I am doing it purposely but I have become this person. This person who has an automatic reaction to disagree with everything that she does. I am just so pissed whenever she opens her mouth. I am just angry at her.

How do I get rid of this anger? It is very unhealthy and I am like such a bad child. But I am not. I care for her and my dad. I will do anything for them. But, I just can't stopped treating her the way she has been treating me.

I know I don't want to end up like my mother but I am becoming exactly like her. So far, I only treat her that way. I don't do that to anyone else. I pray that I don't treat my kids this way.

But in everything that we do, there will be retribution.

It is probably my mom's retribution for bringing me up the way she did. And I will get my retribution for treating my mom this way.

I just need to get rid of this anger. This anger that is just associated with my mom. I must let go off all the anger that has bottled up for far too many years. But how? It almost feel that it is embedded in me. Everytime I tell myself I will be better tomorrow, but when my mom says something or starts nagging me, I snapped.

This is a generation curse. My grandma is exactly like my that and my mom has also a lot of bottled anger towards her. But my mom is also the only one that is really taking care of my grandma. It is almost like a love and hate relationship. My mom and I are developing into the same type of relationship.

I know I have to be the agent of change and break the curse. I cannot continue down the path of my grandma and mom. I have to be the one that stops it.