Past - A new manager

I woke up last night thinking of an ex-collegue. It somehow brought me back to that time when I was a newly promoted manager.

I remember myself at that time. Overworked, insecure and trying my best to hide it. I don't think I was a really happy person and probably my insecurities do reflect in my personality.

I guess I may not be the nicest person/boss when it comes to work. I was a young manager trying to do my work. So managing people wasn't really my priority especially when I am trying my best to figure out my own part of the work. Imagine trying to pretend to know what to tell your direct reports when you don't even have your own work figured out.

I guess I would seem unsympathetic and yet firm but with no susbstance. Sigh...the perils of a new manager.

I made mistakes. I learned from them. It took me a few years but in the last few years I think I finally became comfortable with myself. I am more sure of myself and my abilities. And I become more natural as a manager. I no longer feel intimidated or insecure with my direct reports. I just try my best to give them what I have.

I wish I could take back those years when I was "not the best" form of manager but there is no manual for it.

Everyone just need to do experience it. Learn from it and do the best to their abilities.