Sometimes family's words hurt you more

Is it advice?
Is it intentional?
Is there malice behind the words?
Is it jealously?
Is it just a harmless banter?

You never know the intentions of others cos you are not them.
You are you. You know yourself and you know how you feel.

If someone said something to you, whatever their intentions may be - you may never know but what you know is how you feel.

I was hurt. Hurt by the words. Hurt by the innocent banter or maybe it wasn't so innocent after all. Maybe there was a message, maybe it intended to hurt and that was why it did hurt.

You are leaving? Did you get the compensation? Oh! You did not. If you had known, you could have left a year ago, you could be with baby by now and your baby could be talking by now.

My! that was a blow! Even as I am writing this tears welled up my eyes. Those words hurt. Even if there was no malicious intent, the outcome to me was hurtful.

Never mind, I can't control what others want to say but I can control what I want to do.

I will live! No regrets! I will live even better. If I am happy who cares what others think.

Is it wrong to be with a Married Man? Part 2

Hey, remember the story I posted a couple of months ago... Click link

There is never the right way or the wrong way. There is also no perfection in life. Sometimes we are put into situations and we are forced to choose. The path may not be the perfect path as desired but it somehow feel like the best path even though it has its imperfections.

Such is a path when you are with a married man. No matter how right it feels, fundamentally it is wrong ...somewhat....

But can it really be wrong when it feels so right?

The story continues..HE is really into HER. He will divorce his wife. He has told his wife. There is no love between them. But the wife does not want a divorce. I think she just does not want to let go.

HE promised HER that HE will divorce his wife. He seems to be really in love with HER.

SHE is in love with HIM too.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

You are single and not getting younger with no prospective man in sight and realize you are in love with him.
He is married with a kid, in love with you and wants to get a divorce to be with you.

Is this happily ever after?

He's Just NOT That Into You...

I love love-stories. And this one was just right.

Not too soppy, and a nice nice ending. Love love-stories with a nice ending.

It's so lovely when a man confess, takes charge, grabs the girl with love and just kiss her.

Awww....I am a sucker for love stories.

It's not easy to live in a lie

Fear and unhappiness.

Dreading each day.

Feel like escaping everyday.

But you know you cannot escape for long.

It's like the saying - You can run but you cannot hide!

I hate the fear.

I hate living this way.

But it will be over soon.

I am already planning ahead.

I can't wait for my life to begin again.

I can't wait to do what I should have done 2 years ago.

So much anger passed down....

I have hoped that the generation "curse" would stop at me.

I wanted to be the change agent, I wanted to be the person who is better.

But I have been failing. Infact, I think I am even worse than both of them.

There is just so much anger. My mom with my grandmother, Me with my mom and even my grandmother.

I have to admit, I am angry at my mom. No matter how much I love her, I have no gentle way to expresss. I am angry on the outside. I only know how to show anger to express my love. The exact same way that my mom treats me.

Why am I falling into the same spiral? The exact thing that I hated all my life, I am doing exactly the same thing, it is almost like my revenge back to her.

But I know that I want to change. I pray for the strength and the will to follow-thru.

Let me find the compassion to treat my mom and grandma with softness and not anger.

The destination is clear

I think we have finally decided.

Why am I still skeptical?

I don't know. Maybe I am afraid if I get too happy or I plan towards it, it may not come true.

So I am calm with a little pessimism versus jumping for joy.

Just let it be for now. I just want to hear God voice, God's confirmation againa and again.

So let me be calm, let not the excitement cloud what I need to do.

So I am calm and will continue to plough on. 3 months. I think I can make it.

I can't use my middle finger anymore

Jan 14, 2010

Damn!

There is a flickering pain.

Flickering pain of the nerve.

It's damn irritating.

Therefore no more laptop pad.

I need a mouse pad!

Switch from middle finger to index finger.

I can't wait

Jan 7, 2010

I have decided finally.

I asked God to bless this decision.

I am excited and filled with apprehension.

But I know I can't wait.

One word.

One resolution.

TOGETHER.

Message from my hubby

Dec 12, 2009

Feel good about yrself and be confident that we will have the answer soon. HOPE and think about how good and nice when we be together.

I pray and wish the answer will come soon.

I am aimless

Dec '09

Have you ever felt this way?

I know my problem is not big but I do know I have a problem.

I just feel life has no meaning and I don't know what is the future.

I only live for the day, and just take each activity as it comes.

I pray for the direction, I pray for the answer.

I know it will come. Have Faith.

Meanwhile, I have to stop feeling aimless.