I need some fat friends

That's reality! Mean but reality.

Fat friends make you thinner.

Or at least they make you feel thinner.

Then you don't have to face up to reality that you are actually fat.

They will give you temporary relief that someone else is fatter than you. They give you false hope that you don't have to worry, at least not yet.

So I need some fat friends.

Cos I wanna feel thinner.

Cos I don't want to face reality that I am fat.

Cos I need some temporary relief and false hope that I don't have to worry cos someone else is fatter than me.

The reality is that I am fat and I need some fat friends.

A Priest That Will Not Lie

Joke Of The Day

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!

Memo From HR

To All Employees
Effective Immediately

Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Humour for the Day - we need more of this!

Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!


Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...


New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.

Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...


Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.


Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.


Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it is SHOWTIME!


Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later


Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!


My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise. Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!

Good one!!

The fight started......

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....

Are you Intelligent enough? Take this test.

This is a test for Intelligent People. I have determined that you qualify. The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you if you are qualified to be a professional.

Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.

But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tested whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?"

Wrong answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tested your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend....except one. Which animal did not attend?

Correct answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tested your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage?

Correct answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. This tested whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers.

Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

:)

Etiquette Bell explained....

Sigh....I decided to google and search for the answers.

I found 2 explanations. And apparently this etiquette bell exists in Korea too. Here's what I found :-

"If you haven't figured it out: you press the 'etiquette bell' when you are afraid that, just perhaps, some inelegant sound may just reach some other woman's ears. When this happens, or, actually before this happens, you press the 'etiquette bell' and the sound of gently whirling water surrounds you, masking any unpleasant noise. The sound, in fact, is somewhat like the whirling water sound that occurs when you actually flush the toilet. "

One more explanation :-

We are going to tell you about one innovation in Korean public toilets. Koreans have the greatest respect for all the aspects of visiting a toilet. For instance, for such a delicate topic as emitting sounds. To cover the confusion both of those in the toilet cabin and of those outside, they have invented a special “etiquette bell”. This is a nice box with a dynamic loudspeaker attached to the cabin wall. It is provided with a large button. You can press this button when necessary and the sound of water flowing from the flush tank is emitted. In half a minute the sound will die away. You may repeat this operation if necessary.
The “copying” principle was used in this case and an ecologically safe solution was obtained: why spending pure fresh water if only one property – sound – is needed. We use sound and save water.

I was kinda right.....this was my 3rd guess. 3) To distract the noise of peeing and shitting by continously ringing the bell....

What I did not figure out was that it was the sound of flushing water. Yeah, in all my trips to Japan, I often just wondered what it was but never dared to push the button. Just incase, it was for emergencies. I don't want people knocking on my toilet door wondering what's wrong with me if I rang the bell.

Now, that I know what it is for, I will make sure I practise the right etiquette by pushing the button when an "inelegant" sound should appear when I am doing my "business"

Romance and Office Joke of the Day.......

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Who is ShadowFox and who is Kennysai?

Since I started blogging and becoming more in tune with Malaysian bloggers, I am really intrigued with Shadowfox and the latest being Kennysai.

Probably I am just nosey but then again who aren't??

I really wonder who they are and what they do. One thing for sure, they have kept their identities a tight secret. Unless I am slow, I guess nobody really know who they are right?


I do enjoy reading their blogs once in a while and for me I have started to take whatever people write with a pinch of salt. It is just an expression of another person's opinion. There is no reason getting personal about it. So, if you can't take it, then don't read.


Though what they write about sometimes, can be rather hurtful. For eg Kennysai is dedicated to just bring down a certain individual called Kenny Sia. Is Kennysai - he/she/they right in creating such a blog and writing "not so nice" stuff about someone else??

I wonder if the people whom they write about, how would they feel? Should they defend themselves? Or can they just let it be and not bother, not be hurt?


If it happened to me (someone writing horrible stuff about me), I really don't know how I would react.

Anyway back to who is Kennysai and who is Shadowfox? Seriously I have no idea. I wonder if any of their friends know that their friend is a popular anonymous blogger called Kennysai and Shadowfox. In normal interaction with family and friends, how do they not let others know that they are very popular in the world of blogging?

So, who is Kennysai and who is Shadowfox? If anyone of you have any insider leaks to who they are...let me know. I am just a curious cat on a boring Tuesday.

Bra for the boys - an online bestseller in Japan

Illustration

This new I picked up from Yahoo News. The Japanese are always bizzare so it does not surprise me.


TOKYO (Reuters) – Who said bras are only for women? A Japanese online lingerie retailer is selling bras for cross-dressing men and they've quickly become one of its most popular items.
Since launching two weeks ago on Rakuten, a major Japanese web shopping mall, the Wishroom shop has sold over 300 men's bras for 2,800 yen ($30) each. The shop also stocks men's panties, as well as lingerie for women.


"I like this tight feeling. It feels good," Wishroom representative Masayuki Tsuchiya told Reuters as he modeled the bra, which can be worn discreetly under men's clothing.
Wishroom Executive Director Akiko Okunomiya said she was surprised at the number of men who were looking for their inner woman.


"I think more and more men are becoming interested in bras. Since we launched the men's bra, we've been getting feedback from customers saying 'wow, we'd been waiting for this for such a long time'," she said.


But the bra, available in black, pink and white, is not an easy sell for all men.


The underwear has stirred a heated debate online with more than 8,000 people debating the merits of men wearing bras in one night on Mixi, Japan's top social network website.




News from Yahoo.

Joke of The Day : Asian Student

This is hilarious! You gotta read this!

Asian Student

It was the first day of a school in Virginia and a new student from India named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said "Give me Liberty , or give me Death"?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.

"Very good! "Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar from India, who is new to our country, knows more about itshistory than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Indians," "Who said that?" she demanded.

Chandrasekhar put his hand up."General Custer, 1862. "

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George Bush Senior to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to theteacher , "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, " Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004."

The teacher fainted.

And as the class gathered around the teacher onthe floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're fucked!"

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, I think it was George W. Bush, Iraq , 2007."