My loud voiced - shouting Family

My family is generally loud voiced.
Maybe it is just me. But this only happens when I am talking to my family.

So, I would just like to blame it on my mom (as I always do on everything else bad in my life anyways)

My mom is a hard person. She shows love by scolding so naturally I always been in a scolding, shouting environment.

My dad is actually a soft spoken person but being in that environment for years and age, I think he has also become less tolerant.

My parents as they age and have less tolerance towards one and another, so they shout at each other even more.

My grandma calls my mom, my mom shouts and scolds her.

My grandmother would shout at my dad for whatever reason. She hates him.

My dad would shout at my mom for nagging him.

My mom would shout at my dad for being lazy.

My mom and I, needless to say are on a continous shouting match about everythinng.

My mom would scold me for everything.

So when she ask me a question, I would shout back.

I sometimes envy those soft spoken loving family. Isn’t it nice to just talk softly and nicely to one another.

Well, the grass is always greener on the other side.

You take your imperfections and always try to make it better. Keep trying.

Now, even though I am thousands of miles away, I still receive shouting match phone-calls from my mom. People don't change.

My grandma

I pity my grandma.

She lived a hard life!

Now that she is old...she is still living a hard life. Not because she can't have a good life. She is so trapped in the past, she can't allow herself to lead a better life. No matter how we try to advise her...she can't change.

She has a maid, she say the maid is lazy and many many other things. For so many year, no maid has satisfied her. She said she does not need a maid but we all know she does!

She has money but refused to use them. She still tries to save every penny.

She keeps rain water to mop the floor. Her floor is dirty all the time even though it is mopped every day.

She dilutes the washing detergents so that it can be used for a longer time. Her dishes are usually still oily.

She switch off the lights and fans even though you still need it.

She wants to give away her fake jewelleries (some rusty and broken) as gifts to other people. To her it is valuable but to others, nobody wants them.

She eats half her rice and want to keep the other half for others to eat. Her concept is to save but nobody wants to eat her leftover rice.

She tries to get free things from other people. It's her way to save. She brought up 5 kids that way!

She denies she is ever wrong.

She is old.

Everyone is irritated with her. I am also guilty of that. I should not. I will regret it.

But it is easier to be sympathetic when you are an outsider. When you are dealing with her everyday, I can understand it is easy to feel frustrated. Infact, the feeling of frustration, anger, dealing with someone old can't be controlled even if you want to so much. Sometimes, your anger just burst out when dealing with them

So, to everyone out there who is caring for someone old, you hold an important responsibility. And I know it is not easy. It is ok to feel frustrated and angry. But know this, you are doing a noble job. You are holding a responsibility that many others don't even want to or just can't do. You are doing this noble task of caring for someone to have a few more beautiful years in their life. It is noble, it is to be appreciated and know that you are doing this out of the goodness in your heart. You are good.

So despite all the issues with my grandma's behaviour that have everyone extremely frustrated with her sometimes but I know everyone is doing their best. It is a matter of putting the frustration aside and seeing the goodness in this old and frail person.

I know the goodness in my grandmother. I know she wants the best for everyone. She has done a lot for me. She has loved me. She is not perfect.

She is my grandmother.

Another major shouting match

I shouted and shouted!

I was really angry. Only my mom could do that to me. She is amazing.

There is a Chinese saying, "Our bones have been mixed" - which means that we don't see eye to eye on anything. And this is true with me and mom.

I wish things could be different.

I pity my dad cos he is always stuck in the middle.

I do end up shouting at him too.

Anyway, I try my best to make things better for them but they don't trust me so they amke things difficult for me. I get mad.

After the shouting match, I do feel disturbed. I feel sad. I feel guilty.

But can I make amends? Can I get over my anger and be nice to them again.

I will have to get over my pride.

Damn! Why do they have to piss me off?

Family can pissed me off so much

Arghhh!!!!

Even thousand of miles away, they can still do this to me.

Why? Why? Why?

Arghhhh!!! Amazing! Everytime, I speak to my mom, I inevitably will raise my voice.

My dad is ok and I think everything is ok but then they will call my brother to say something about me. And then my bro will call me and I will erupt again.

Why? Why? Why?

Arghhh!! Family!!! Love them or Hate them?

They really pissed me off. I now need time to recover. Need time to be calm again.

Why must it be like that with family?

Sometimes family's words hurt you more

Is it advice?
Is it intentional?
Is there malice behind the words?
Is it jealously?
Is it just a harmless banter?

You never know the intentions of others cos you are not them.
You are you. You know yourself and you know how you feel.

If someone said something to you, whatever their intentions may be - you may never know but what you know is how you feel.

I was hurt. Hurt by the words. Hurt by the innocent banter or maybe it wasn't so innocent after all. Maybe there was a message, maybe it intended to hurt and that was why it did hurt.

You are leaving? Did you get the compensation? Oh! You did not. If you had known, you could have left a year ago, you could be with baby by now and your baby could be talking by now.

My! that was a blow! Even as I am writing this tears welled up my eyes. Those words hurt. Even if there was no malicious intent, the outcome to me was hurtful.

Never mind, I can't control what others want to say but I can control what I want to do.

I will live! No regrets! I will live even better. If I am happy who cares what others think.

So much anger passed down....

I have hoped that the generation "curse" would stop at me.

I wanted to be the change agent, I wanted to be the person who is better.

But I have been failing. Infact, I think I am even worse than both of them.

There is just so much anger. My mom with my grandmother, Me with my mom and even my grandmother.

I have to admit, I am angry at my mom. No matter how much I love her, I have no gentle way to expresss. I am angry on the outside. I only know how to show anger to express my love. The exact same way that my mom treats me.

Why am I falling into the same spiral? The exact thing that I hated all my life, I am doing exactly the same thing, it is almost like my revenge back to her.

But I know that I want to change. I pray for the strength and the will to follow-thru.

Let me find the compassion to treat my mom and grandma with softness and not anger.

I will retire when I have my first grandchild....

Out of the blue....this is what my father-in-law said.

I will retire when I have my first grandchild

The pressure is definitely on.

Shit, I wish I got married in my 20s. Instead I got married in my 30s and still in a long distance relationship with my hubby.

How to have baby-la?

But I believe there is a space and time for everthing and when time is right it will happen.

Which side of the coin do you want to look at?

My dad is just spending his days, shaking his legs and doing nothing. He is older now, retired and I don't expect him to do much. However, his personality of doing nothing clashes with my mom who is always driven to do something.


Is he simple-minded man or just plain lazy?

He is a very simple man, low aspirations, low drive but yet have a kind heart. He is humble and because he knows he is not as educated, not as rich, he is always nicer to others. He is gentle, not opinionated, always wanted to contribute, do more and let other get ahead of him.

These all should be great qualities but however these are also his setback.

Low aspirations = low money
Low drive = Lazy
Humble = low self esteem
Nice and Kind = Not thinking of himself or his family first
Gentle = Softie
Not opinionated = no stand, useless
Let others be ahead = eventually Bitter



There are always two sides to a coin, a positive and negative effects to everything.

Which side of the coin do you want to look at?